Life & Style
Dealing with an insecure lover
Believe me an insecure partner can be intrusive, invasive, irritating, and annoying. Chronic jealousy is often caused by being anxious about love and intimacy that is, having an anxious-ambivalent style of attachment. Such individuals are constantly worried that their romantic partners do not love them and that their partners will eventually abandon them.
Ironically, extremely jealous individuals often behave in ways which make their fears come true. If you want to deal with an insecure lover effectively, you need to be careful when choosing the methods to use.
Usually most people handle an overly jealous partner in ways which makes the problem worse. Jealous partners often behave in ways that are controlling, manipulative, invasive and overly needy.
When partners behave this way, the natural response is to pull back, withdraw, and reassert one’s autonomy and independence, which in turn usually involves some secrecy and deception.
Insecure behavior lies along a broad spectrum, from mild peevishness to full-blown panic attacks. If your partner falls on the extreme end of that scale, professional counseling is probably in order.
But if you are dealing with insecurities that are merely annoying, ask yourself a few questions: Am I a part of the problem? What can I do to help?
What part of my partner’s insecurity is tolerable? …and what part isn’t? Is this likely to change? And many others. At the end of all these questions you are likely to be blessed with the right methods to use when dealing with this problem.
Most people facing this problem decide to negotiate relationship rules. Every relationship serves as a sort of mini-government that establishes its own rules and standards of behavior. Something that’s OK in your relationship might not be OK in another person’s relationship. Talk to your partner about how you want your relationship to function and how each of you can get your needs met.
You might, for example, agree that you need a lot of verbal reassurance, while your partner benefits more from favors and nice gestures.
When insecurity is a chronic problem, you should talk openly and honestly about it so that your partner knows you might need extra reassurance.
If you have a disagreement about what constitutes a fundamental need, you might need to get out of the relationship or find another way to meet your needs.
Otherwise you may end up quitting, something that is not actually good. Let’s talk about it with them and possibly help them overcome thing behavior.