Education
Saving tears in a marriage. Tips on how not to make her cry
By Kim Kajumba
men would be surprised how very little things can mean the world to the sisters
I met a nice lady recently and for her sake I’d wish all men would read this, and somehow do something, or else soon all our heirs will be children who belong to other men like the shamba boys in our homes!
Warnings aside, let’s talk about this particular lady, she is married and has four children, but of late, she feels she has had enough of her man, and wants to throw in the towel; reason…her husband comes home past one o’clock in the night every day.
The worst part is that he is not a drunkard (so drinking with the boys is out). This though is inconclusive proof that he is seeing another woman, but it has made his wife feel worthless and she thinks that enough is enough! So maybe this column can act as a marriage saviour for some and for those whose marriages are on the brink of a break !
Why make her cry
If you indeed know it for a fact that your coming home late will create misconceptions and could drive your wife away from the marital home why do it day in day out?
Unless you are trying to tell her that I do not care whether you leave or stay she will most certainly go so the plain thing will be for you to make sure that you make it to your house before 11.00 in the night because the surest way to drive your woman from your house is coming home late – Women have told me that whenever their men are out they cannot find sleep and that its one of the things they hate most.
So brother try not to treat your woman badly by doing those things that will not chase her away; remember she is not a rug to be used for wiping your feet she is your wife and mother of your children
Misconceptions men have
Its true that almost all religious books give men the title of head, but still this does not mean that the women MUST be the tail to keep up with all the bulls**t that men throw at them: Phrases like “A woman was created to be loved but not to be understood”, is a disservice to our sisters and it puzzles me as to why no woman has ever come out to fight against such quotations! Another oversight that men usually have is when it comes to playing sex, while men do exactly that! (Play sex) women have an emotional connection that they get when it comes to making love, it’s no wonder that “men use the word love to get sex, as women use the act of sex to get love “so men should maybe stop the chest thumping, and reduce on the thrusting and concentrate more on cuddling, caressing, foreplay, kissing and after play, in short, try to connect with your woman.
What to do right
There is only one thing that all women yearn for, from their men, and despite the fact that sometimes other needs creep in, the bottom line is” make her feel important!” if all men could master only this, then, no woman would ever be a headache to them, men would be surprised how very little things can mean the world to the sisters, if you don’t believe me, then this week try some of these things, buy her a rose out of the blue, don’t wait for valentine or a birthday, call her from work just to tell her that you love her, acknowledge her in private and in public, and when you make love to her, tell her that she is very…….sweet!
And above all these trivial (if you dare call them that) involve her in decision-making! And when things go wrong as they will sometimes, swallow your macho-ism and say the golden word “sorry” another thing is you should always show your appreciation in deeds and in words at any efforts she puts in doing anything, (especially if she is doing it for you) so make the word “thanks” a light word on your tongue, This way you will have a woman to keep for the rest of your life!
Understanding womanhood
Nature has laid it bare for all those with eyes to see that, there is a world of difference when it comes to both sexes, from the fact that they are body wise weaker than the men, softer when it comes to dealing with tougher decisions (its no wonder that there are less than five heads of states in the whole world), and kinder when it comes to dealing with the offsprings, apart from these attributes, scientists have discovered that women have different mood swings according to what is happening in their bodies, things like, they are more temperamental when they are pregnant, and more friendly when they are ovulating!
And more protecting when they give birth………..all these changes if not totally understood can really bring a rift in the whole marriage game! Knowing how to deal with the same woman at different seasons and circumstances could be the key in unveiling the secret of conflict in marriages, for example knowing when to keep silent, and when to be firm, could make the difference of either breaking or saving your marriage!
Women and crying
Apart from the tears of joy, women are more prone to crying than men are, this may be due to two facts, the first is that boys are taught that men don’t cry, and the second is that women are more connected to their emotions than men are!
And anything that seems to destabilize her emotionally, would induce tears quicker than their brothers, its also a way of shouting for help and sympathy from others, and when they don’t get it from you (the husband) they become vulnerable to even the shamba boy, who happens to be always there for her!
Lastly, it must be noted to all brothers out there that, despite the universal belief that women are the weaker sex, this is far from the truth, the truth is that when it comes to will power and, determination they come tops of us, and don’t be fooled with the illusion that you are bossing your house, the fact is that you are housing the boss!
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