Yes. You, you and you reading this. If you get offended shauli yako; nze Sejjusa and I think this is the line I am taking for the rest of this year. So, kwa heri to you all who might skip reading these columns. We will badly miss you but we will soldier on.
Wamma you who will bear with us, greetings and happy landing for bearing the smoke because kye muyingiddemu kiringa kiyungu so, carry with you your handkerchiefs.
It was the other day, simanyi Women’s Day it was; that I received an SOS (SMS it should have been really). The sender in distray was our one and only Maneno summoning me to his aid further desperately urging me to hurry to this Munyonyo hide out where he was esconsed mu byobusiru.
Time and again, I have advised Maneno not to be taken up too much with things carnal or else, in his old age, he will suffer walking while bent, develop back and waist pains in addition to bronchitis of the scrotum. But wapi, the damn chap will hear nothing of this going by the way he hankers to dip his wick in the dark tunnels of females’ holes of understanding.
So it was this day that while basking in the sun at a holiday retreat in Mbarara, Maneno whimpered to me like a small kid slapped by his parent for being caught curiously looking and examing the inside of the undeveloped cunt of his younger sister. “Musajja,” he told me, “Come and come very quickly I am in deep sh.t.” Now, coming from Mbarara in a whif, is no joking matter even if you own a four wheel drive machine like my Landrover Destroyer. Lost for what to do, I decided to abandon the vehicle and sought a flight aboard an inland airline which I was lucky to find was leaving for Entebbe in the next half an hour.
An hour later, I was at the Munyonyo hide out and Lo! Good Samaritans around hussled me into an inner room of this mansion where I found Maneno hissing and puffing away his life like a puffader both hungry and angry for a bonk nowhere in sight. Himself gibbering nothings and quite unable to relate his predicament, a sympathiser indulged me with the information thus:
Mbu wicked minds at the venue had invited this city hooker who is a judo and taekwondo guru- trappings of self defence at her work station. Heavily built and a partaker of steroids which are energy-enhancing pills which enable the swallower to go an extra mile in performing whatever they may be involved in, this Suzanna, her name is, a well built muscle hunk of a Mucholi woman in her early thirties, named her price and was paid to give a live performance of a sex athletics answering to feeding her well built pudenda with as many dicks as were on offer. Bannange, naye what can’t money buy under the sun!
Well, as Satan would have it, posing like a journalist thieving for information with no regard to his personal security, Maneno pleaded and convinced all around — a group of twelve biological substances – five silly and husky women plus seven males who think through their penises instead of using their brains, to have the opening show with Suzanna. Well, nobody was in a hurry on this holiday, so have it, they told him.
Disrobed, Maneno and co were in the open grounds of the premises with a raised podium on which was spread a six by six Vita foam mattress. This was the stage on which performers would do their ebyobusiru while being cheered on by the half drunk audience. Maneno had himself partaken of three glasses of Uganda Wa and was in high sweating spirits this early afternoon.
Suzanna invited him to jump aboard her and when he did, the damn woman, hissing like a buffalo on the war path, whisked out his erectile muscle now grossly engorged by flowing warm blood and waragi, and dipped it deep inside her hole of fame. But one thing he did not know is that females from the northern connection will whack your face if you gave their excited pussies-black on the outside and deep red on the inside- an excuse of a humping. Mbu these women want a man to go on and on surfing even after his wick will have ejected a million missiles of spermatozoa inside them. “Togivaamu,” mbu they would bark at you pulling you back and taking a firm hold on you even if you cried out to your mother ajje akuyambe. No joke these women must be.
Now, driven to certain heavens by tokes of marijuana and the steroids, Suzanna seemed to have taken a liking to Maneno’s long, thick and well veined muscle of pleasure. She had Maneno dribble inside her pussy but seeing that he was doing a lousy performance inside her hot and vibrating lybrinth, she turned him on his back, spread her rich thighs, squatted above him and embarked on a marathon of rapid press-ups on his dong while fingering her clit wealth, shouting unintelligible gibberish attended to with animalistic moanings as, at intervals, she drenched his stomach with a flood of hot love juices.
Mwaana ggwe! Mbu Maneno got drained out nice and proper and was heard, at first, whimpering like a kid and later actually sobbing and crying for help while Suzzana did a no let up squeezing all life out of his penis.
Now, if all things can be said about what transpired here, you would be left with no breath in you. To save you the embarassment therefore, surfice it to say that when she was through with a whimpering Maneno, Suzanna did an unbelievable welcome of five more male donkings in a row while a nearly suffocated Maneno simply passed out on the nearby grass while dreaming of, “Nga mponye!”