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Ministry of health

Are you in the right relationship?


Are you in the right relationship?

Beeing in the right relationship is very important

Being in the right relationship is very important

Being in a relationship is like being in a train, you need to know whether the train is taking you to the right destination, otherwise you are doomed.  We cannot just sit back and continue enjoying the ride even when we are heading to the wrong destination.

Therefore the need to know if we are in the right relationship is a common quest to all of us. If we are given an opportunity to know in time where we are heading, we can do something before it is too late. Here are a few signs.

If you feel contempt for each other, better pause right away. Not being in love with your mate anymore is one thing, but feeling hatred or contempt for their behavior is a very bad sign for your relationship.

Bitterness, resentment and fear are also painful negative emotions that are not part of a healthy relationship. This is followed by blaming each other for the way things are in the relationship. When this happens it’s likely that you both share some responsibility for the way things are.

In most relationships that don’t finally work out the partners are very different people. Your partner likes to sit and watch TV all day but you’d rather be out socializing with friends. If you have very different interests, one of you is going to feel let down when their needs are not being met. Major personality differences can lead to conflict in a relationship. The truth is that couples have an easier time if they share similar backgrounds, culture, beliefs, education and economic status.

The above signs are punctuated by having different goals in life. When you met, you talked about your future together. You made plans for your living arrangements and how you would share financial responsibility in the relationship. Maybe you talked about having children or your career goals. If things have changed and your partner no longer shares your dream, it’s a sign that this relationship is not going to have a future much longer.

Trust is another important ingredient of any good relationship. Trusting your gut when something doesn’t feel right is smart. If you have just got a feeling that your partner is hiding something from you, it might be a sign that you either need to confront them about it or move on. Distrust in a partnership leads to accusations and counter accusations. This stabs the foundations of a good relationship.

If you don’t feel like you, then watch out.   At this time, everything you’ve liked about yourself, who you are, or what makes you uniquely you, is faded or gone. Sometimes partners try to control us and call this behavior “love”.  Over time, this strips away at who we are or want to be.

Then, one day, we wake up, look in the mirror, and don’t recognize ourselves. This is a sign-a bad one. It is easy to lose ourselves in our relationships. This usually happens due to a distorted understanding of love as self-sacrifice, rather than thinking about it in terms of healthy compromises and growing together.



Isa Senkumba is a social critic

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